How great ideas DIE

Have you ever had a brilliant idea, the very thought of the idea excited you, made you feel enthusiastic that it would make a difference in your life or the life of others. Then you nurtured the idea and it grew with opportunities and possibilities.

The more you thought about it the more excited it made you when you wanted to start implementing the idea, it suddenly occurred that:

1.    I do not have enough time

2.    I did not have enough opportunities

3.    I do not know the right people (Contacts or network)

4.    I do not have enough wealth

5.    I do not want to risk offending people

6.    I do not know how to do it? (lack of knowledge)

7.    What happens if I fail or it does not work out?

8.    What if I get rejected or people do not approve?

All of a sudden, the enthusiasm was knocked out of you. From an idea that excited you, now it seemed like a hollow dream that could never be achieved. 

What changed?

“People with a scarcity mentality tend to see everything in terms of win-lose. There is only so much; and if someone else has it, that means there will be less for me..” Stephen Covey

A simple shift in thinking from abundance to scarcity, a shift from what “I can do” to “Is this possible?” The more you begin to think about it, the doubt grows and all of a sudden something that seemed possible now seems impossible. Then the idea is allowed to die and Rest in Peace.

“An abundance mentality springs from internal security, not from external rankings, comparisons, opinions, possessions, or associations.”- Stephen Covey

The below table shows how people with scarcity and abundance think:

Scarcity	Abundance
No one has done this before, it can’t be done	This is a new opportunity for me
Focus on what is missing	Focus on what can be done
Wait for opportunities (then complain about the timing of the opportunity)	Create and find opportunities
Fear or Oppose change	Embrace change
Know it all	Continuously learn and grow(Continuously curious)
Feeling that things can’t change	Express ideas for change
Does not set or follow plans, then blames others for mistakes and failures	Make plans and set personal goals
Secretly hopes that other people fail	See’s the best in others and inspires others

“True abundance is feeling worthy enough to believe beyond what you can see. Expect miracles and they will manifest.”- Sarah Prout

Overcoming Scarcity mentality:

1.    Negative thinking: Great ideas will always be met with great opposition (internally and externally). Despite fear and doubts, I must take action towards implementing my ideas.

2.    Focus: Always focus on what I can do and what I can accomplish. When encountered with negativity and doubt, I need to shift my focus on what I can do.

3.    Gratitude: Shifting my mind back to what I have enables me to realize the resources and gifts that I currently have in my possession.

4.    Action: Taking action despite insecurity, doubt, and fear.

5.    Learning: Learn from results and improve on my actions. Learning how to convert an adversity to opportunity, by learning from my mistakes or failures.  

6.    Environment:  surround myself with achievers who consistently have a “Can do” mentality.

Do not bother you are not worth it

“OH GOD, I struggle with low self esteem all the time! I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it’s unbelievable” Angelina Jolie

What is self Esteem?

Self esteem is my personal evaluation (judgment) of myself and this has a direct impact on how I feel (emotions) about myself.

How is self Esteem formed?

Human beings think in two forms, through images and mental chatter. Therefore self esteem is formed as below

Self Image + Self Talk  = Influences how I feel about my self

What is low self Esteem?

This is consistently having a negative opinion of one’s self (negative self image + negative self talk) which leads towards negative emotions.

Examples of Negative Mental Chatter:

“I am not good enough”

“I never get things right, I am stupid”

“I am so fat and ugly, I am unlovable”

“I am not worthy”

“My life is a mess, I never make right decisions”

What causes low self Esteem?

-          Being the odd one out in home or social environments

-          Failing to meet standards at home or in a peer group

-          Rejection

-          Absence of praise, warmth and affection

-          When I accept society or the media’s image of who I should be

Effects of Low Self Esteem?

-          Stick within their comfort zone (reduced risk taking)

-          Troubles in making decisions

-          Consistent need for external approval or validation

-          Perfectionism which leads to procrastination

-          A lot of critizm of one’ self and others

-          Not looking after one’s self and well being neglect food, sleep, exercise.

  

“Someone else’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” ~ Les Brown

Parable on Self Confidence

A young man once went to a wise man and told him that he had come to seek his advice as he had been tormented by feelings of worthlessness and no longer wanted to live.

The wise man looked at him and said, “Forgive me, but I am busy, if you will help me I will help you in return”. The young man reluctantly agreed.

The wise man then gave the young man a ring which had a gem stone on it. He then said “get a decent price for the ring, it should be nothing less than a gold coin. I need the money, as I have to settle a debt.”

The young man went to the market place and showed it to the people there who took interest in purchasing the ring, when the young man told them that he was selling it for no less than a gold coin, the prospects lost interest. An elderly man told him that the price was too high and he could offer him a copper coin at best a silver coin for the ring.

As he was unable to conduct the wise mans request, he felt like a failure. He returned to the wise man’s house, “Master I have not been able to carry out your request, they offered me copper coins, at best a silver coin. They all said that t a gold coin was too much and the ring was not worth a gold coin”

The wise man looked at the boy, “It’s important to establish the worth of the ring, who can know the worth of the ring better than a jeweler, go to the jeweler in town and ask him what is the worth of this ring then come back straight away”

The young man went back to town to find the jewelers shop. Upon reaching the shop gave the jeweler the ring, who examined it thoroughly. Upon completion he looked at the boy and told him “If your Master wants the payment right now I can offer 58 gold coins for the ring, but if he can wait for a while I can offer him 70 gold coins”. 70 gold coins the boy thought, he thanked the jeweler and when to the wise man’s house.

Upon arrival at the wise man’s house he narrated the story. The wise man looked at him and smiled, then said “Remember you, young man are like this ring. Precious and unique! And only an expert can appreciate your true value. So why are you wasting your time wandering through a market and heading the opinion of any old fool?”

Building on Self Esteem:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live it’s whole life believing it is stupid”. Albert Einstein

1.      Self Esteem does not depend on any external factors, it’s my opinion of myself. Therefore I need to accept myself the way I am.  External factors should not influence my opinion of myself.

2.      Comparison with others: I am unique, therefore I cannot compare myself to others

3.      Cheerleaders – Surrounding myself with people who believe in me and support what I do. During the lowest moments in are able to pick me up and motivate me to move forward. They offer empathy rather than sympathy.  

4.      Unconditional Love – having relationships which  have unconditional love, people who admire me the way I am rather than who I could be 

5.      Random Acts of Kindness – spontaneous acts of kindness to strangers who can never repay those acts.  

6.      Making a list of things that I love about myself. As I go along I build these so I notice more good within me. 

Banishing Fears

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear –  What are fears?

Adistressing emotion aroused y impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension,consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm

Types of Fears

Fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of close environment, fear of the dark, fear of snakes and spiders etc.

NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming

Connection between the neurological processes ("neuro"), language ("linguistic") and behavioral patterns learned through experience ("programming") and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.

Mujtaba Peera is a Licensed NLP practitioner who has learnt from Dr Richard Bandler (the Co-Founder of NLP).  Now Mujtaba coaches people to overcome their fears.

“Fears are imaginary barriers in life that prevent us from being who we can truly be,  it is important to understand that courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to overcome what scares you the most.”

This is your opportunity to work with Mujtaba Peera to overcome your fears, you can send an email to :mujtaba.acca@gmail.com

(As it will be a one on one session, it is currently for people who reside in Mombasa)

Breaking through during tough times

“When someone tells me "no," it doesn't mean I can't do it, it simply means I can't do it with them.”  Karen E. Quinones Miller

Each time when we have big dreams or goals, there comes a time when we face obstacles/barriers. Sometimes these barriers seem so large that they affect our progress its during these times we either break down or break through.

A lady was driving along with her father. They came upon a storm, and the young lady asked her father, What should I do?" He said "keep driving"..Cars began to pull over to the side, the storm was getting worse. "What should I do." The young lady asked? "Keep driving," her father replied. On up a few feet, she noticed that eighteen wheelers were also pulling over. She told her dad, "I must pull over, I can barely see ahead. It is terrible, and everyone is pulling over!" Her father told her,"Don't give up, just keep driving!" Now the storm was terrible, but she never stopped driving, and soon she could see a little more clearly. After a couple of miles she was again on dry land, and the sun came out. Her father said, "Now you can pull over and get out." She said "But why now?" He said:"When you get out, look back at all the people that gave up and are still in the storm, because you never gave up your storm is now over.

This is a testimony for anyone who is going through "hard times". Just because everyone else, even the strongest, gives up. You don't have to...if you keep going, soon your storm will be over and the sun will shine upon your face again.

“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will.”  Vince Lombardi

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Secrets To Effective Public Speaking : Comments

The seminar was well arranged. The facilitator was very encouraging and helpful. He gave individual and personalized feedback that enabled us to improve on our weaknesses and become better. Overall the whole seminar was very educational and organized. 

I would recommend this seminar to a friend. In fact, I have already told a few few friends that they missed out on a great opportunity where useful tips on public speaking were given, including techniques to conquer fear on stage and in front of crowds.  Shahista Somji

Purposeful speaking was one such training a valuable resource to anyone who aspires to be a good public speaker. With great facilitation we learnt to polish skills we already have and learn new ones too, most importantly how to conquer our fears Truly one of the best seminars I have attended.

 

Thank you very much Mujtaba for this insightful journey in the field which many of us were scared to take up but now can do it with confidence.                           Masuma Hussein

Definitely would recommend..it was a an excellent experience..I feel sometimes one needs a source who can dig out a potential which one never realizes exists within...and Mujtaba has the capacity to do it..I can imagine some of the participants who looked as if they had never spoken a word loud,and never will ever..but by end of the day they were in front of the audience with a mike..unbelievable!I myself would love to attend again..                        Masuma Bharwani


The program was good and quite informative, especially the tips on how to deliver a speech and conquering your fears. It was good experience talking in public over short notice. The facilitator was polite and encouraging. It would be of great help if these kind of programs were conducted more often for different age groups, also more impromptu talking would be of great help.
I would recommend it to a friend. Helps to conquer the fears of public speaking and teaches how to speak effectively in public.                                                                Akila Giga

Too Blessed to be stressed

Stress is an ignorant state.  It believes that everything is an emergency. 

Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind

Modern life is full of hassles, deadlines, frustrations, and demands. For many people, stress is so commonplace that it has become a way of life. Stress isn’t always bad. In small does, it can help you perform under pressure and motivate you to do your best. But when you’re constantly running in emergency mode, your mind and body pay the price. You can protect yourself by recognizing the signs and symptoms of stress and taking steps to reduce its harmful effects.

Hasn’t stress increased over the years rather than decreasing

Stress is the trash of modern life — we all generate it but if you don't dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.

Terri Guillemets

Story – Let it go!!

Once upon a time there were two holy men strolling down a wooded path in a forest outside Naples, Italy. Their heads were bowed, and the hoods of their robes cut much of the world off from view as they strolled along, softly mumbling their orisons.

Coming to a narrow stream, they stopped. A young lady stood beside the creek. She had on a new pair of shoes and a long peasant dress and seemed reluctant to cross the stream lest she muddy her garment. Without a moment’s hesitation, one of the monks picked up the young woman and carried her across. He put her gently back down on the path. She smiled her thanks and he nodded in response.

The two continued their walk in silence. After some time had passed, the other monk, who was obviously highly agitated, broke the quiet. “How could you do that?” he asked, his face in a grimace of disapproval.

The first monk, deep in thought, looked at his companion in astonishment. “Do what?” he asked.

“How could you touch that woman? You picked her up and handled her, and you—you touched her.” The holy man’s mouth was set and compressed.

“Oh, are you still carrying that young lady?” the first monk responded, a twinkle in his eye. “I put her down an hour ago.”

The stress management tip illustrated by this story is very clear. Simply let go. When you think about something you give it energy. It is up to you to either give positive or negative thoughts energy. So one stress management tip, Power of Self Mind Control graduates follow is to control and monitor their their thoughts carefully.

Step back – when in a stressful situation step back, avoid making a decision. The ability to make an objective decision when stressed is difficult. Stepping back allows you to diffuse the situation.

Talk to someone about it, this helps taking the load of your back and enables you to get a clear picture of your situation. T also stands for triggers – each individual has unique situations that make them stressed.  You must identify the situations that make you stressed.

Relax – take a stroll refresh your mind/ meditate

Emotion – 10% of our life are the things that happen to us or circumstances, 90% is how we respond to it.

Strategy- stress occurs due to overload of work. Write down the list of tasks that you need to perform.  Then prioritize the tasks that need to be performed by you and those that can be delegated.

Step by step – One task at a time. Multitasking is a cause of stress and reduces productivity. 

Stress occurs when you continuously think about yourself and your problems, life is not always about ME it’s about WE. So go out and help others, make a difference in the lives of other people. 

The world’s worst disease

                                                            

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” –Elbert Hubbard

Have you wanted to achieve a goal, then got the thought : I am not intelligent enough to achieve it…What if  I try and fail…..I do not want to make a fool of myself….I do not want to embarrass myself ….Other people can do it better.  Fear robs people of their dreams and sends people to their graves without realizing  their full potential.

Story

Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile soil.

The first seed said, "I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my sprouts through the earth's crust above me ... I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring ... I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!"

And so she grew...

The second seed said, "Hmmmm. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don't know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts ... what if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe."

And so she waited...

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.

Fears keep us in our comfort zone, the keep us small and prevent us from growing to our potential.

Overcoming fear:

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to face your fears and overcome them.

Tips:

FEAR exists only in the subconscious mind, therefore when overcoming fear you can use the below tips.

F – Focus – when you think of that particular goal, write down the first thing that comes to your mind?

People aren't afraid of heights, but they're afraid of falling.
People aren't afraid of swimming, but they're afraid of drowning.

Shift your focus from internal (what you have or do not have) to external (what you would like to do, how you can serve others, the benefits people would obtain)

E – Emotion – when you constantly focus on what you do not have, how does it make you feel?

Sad, depressed, scared

However when you focus externally, how can I help others or contribute, how does it make you feel?  Inspired, energetic, enthusiastic

A – Action – Our emotions ultimately determine our actions. When you are sad or scared you will do less to achieve your goal than when you are inspired and energetic.

R – Result – The more actions we take to achieve our goals the better the outcome.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” Les Brown