“OH GOD, I struggle with low self esteem all the time! I
think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it’s unbelievable” Angelina
Jolie
What is self
Esteem?
Self esteem is my personal evaluation (judgment) of myself
and this has a direct impact on how I feel (emotions) about myself.
How is self
Esteem formed?
Human beings think in two forms, through images and mental
chatter. Therefore self esteem is formed as below
Self Image + Self Talk
= Influences how I feel about my self
What is low
self Esteem?
This is consistently having a negative opinion of one’s self
(negative self image + negative self talk) which leads towards negative
emotions.
Examples of Negative
Mental Chatter:
“I am not good enough”
“I never get things right, I am stupid”
“I am so fat and ugly, I am unlovable”
“I am not worthy”
“My life is a mess, I never make right decisions”
What causes
low self Esteem?
-
Being the odd one out in home or social environments
-
Failing to meet standards at home or in a peer group
-
Rejection
-
Absence of praise, warmth and affection
-
When I accept society or the media’s image of who I should
be
Effects of
Low Self Esteem?
-
Stick within their comfort zone (reduced risk taking)
-
Troubles in making decisions
-
Consistent need for external approval or validation
-
Perfectionism which leads to procrastination
-
A lot of critizm of one’ self and others
-
Not looking after one’s self and well being neglect food,
sleep, exercise.
“Someone else’s
opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” ~ Les Brown
Parable on
Self Confidence
A young man once went to a wise man and
told him that he had come to seek his advice as he had been tormented by
feelings of worthlessness and no longer wanted to live.
The wise man looked at him and said,
“Forgive me, but I am busy, if you will help me I will help you in return”. The
young man reluctantly agreed.
The wise man then gave the young man a
ring which had a gem stone on it. He then said “get a decent price for the
ring, it should be nothing less than a gold coin. I need the money, as I have
to settle a debt.”
The young man went to the market place
and showed it to the people there who took interest in purchasing the ring,
when the young man told them that he was selling it for no less than a gold
coin, the prospects lost interest. An elderly man told him that the price was
too high and he could offer him a copper coin at best a silver coin for the
ring.
As he was unable to conduct the wise
mans request, he felt like a failure. He returned to the wise man’s house,
“Master I have not been able to carry out your request, they offered me copper
coins, at best a silver coin. They all said that t a gold coin was too much and
the ring was not worth a gold coin”
The wise man looked at the boy, “It’s
important to establish the worth of the ring, who can know the worth of the
ring better than a jeweler, go to the jeweler in town and ask him what is the
worth of this ring then come back straight away”
The young man went back to town to find
the jewelers shop. Upon reaching the shop gave the jeweler the ring, who
examined it thoroughly. Upon completion he looked at the boy and told him “If
your Master wants the payment right now I can offer 58 gold coins for the ring,
but if he can wait for a while I can offer him 70 gold coins”. 70 gold coins
the boy thought, he thanked the jeweler and when to the wise man’s house.
Upon arrival at the wise man’s house he
narrated the story. The wise man looked at him and smiled, then said “Remember you, young man are like this
ring. Precious and unique! And only an expert can appreciate your true value.
So why are you wasting your time wandering through a market and heading the
opinion of any old fool?”
Building on Self Esteem:
“Everybody
is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will
live it’s whole life believing it is stupid”. Albert Einstein
1.
Self Esteem does
not depend on any external factors, it’s my opinion of myself. Therefore I need
to accept myself the way I am. External
factors should not influence my opinion of myself.
2.
Comparison with
others: I am unique, therefore I cannot compare myself to others
3.
Cheerleaders – Surrounding
myself with people who believe in me and support what I do. During the lowest
moments in are able to pick me up and motivate me to move forward. They offer
empathy rather than sympathy.
4.
Unconditional
Love – having relationships which have
unconditional love, people who admire me the way I am rather than who I could
be
5.
Random Acts of
Kindness – spontaneous acts of kindness to strangers who can never repay those
acts.
6.
Making a list of
things that I love about myself. As I go along I build these so I notice more
good within me.
